When I was about 15 years old, I came home from school on a Friday night to my Mom rushing me to pack an overnight bag and get in the Suburban so that we could go. I didn't understand the need to leave so suddenly, but what really bothered me about it was that my parents didn't even consider that I might have had plans or whether I would like to go. It really ticked me off and it took me the entire 6 hour drive to St. George plus a half hour of sulking in the pool before I could enjoy the trip. I felt better the next day, but it was hard to get over.
I like knowing what is coming up so that I can mentally prepare to exert energy. I have found that it is very difficult for me to just do something without time to prepare. Especially if it involves taking me out of my comfort zone.
Well, today I could have been the same little girl. Except that I am much more adept (I hope) at hiding my irritation. I had a crazy day. We transplanted the lettuce--in hopes that it will grow real lettuce heads with more space--and planted tomatoes until 11:30, then I nursed baby, then I fed the kids lunch, put J and E to bed, then I fed myself lunch, fed baby lunch and then spent my "quiet time" working on the newsletter for B's school. With a tight deadline on that creeping up, D called to ask if I wanted to go camping on Thursday. In that moment of stress, I had absolutely no desire to go camping. Camping is SO MUCH WORK!!! I didn't want to think about menu planning, grocery shopping, packing, laundry, how to entertain baby. Camping is like taking my current life and having me do everything I usually do, while taking away all conveniences and adding more difficulties, like supervised bathroom trips for all the kids, dirty faces, hands, dishes, etc. The crazy thing is that I like camping with my family. However this time, we are going with some other people. We are friends, and I like them a lot. But, I am not quite comfortable around them. I am definitely not comfortable around the husband, and while I like the wife a lot, I am slightly intimidated by her, and A LOT by him.
I know that I shouldn't care what they will be thinking of how I camp, and where my kids are, what I let them do, etc. but the idea of having to make small talk and keep my temper for 24 hours, is super daunting right now.
It will be fun, and I know D and the kids will have a blast, but right now, all I want to do is climb in bed, pull the covers up to my ears and pretend that I have no responsibilities to anyone at all. Except that I'm not very good at lying to myself...
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